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Ray Rice & YOU

One Mocha speaks up


You might be wondering what Ray Rice has to do with Mocha Moms; what Ray Rice has to do with you. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. It is very likely you know one. She might be your Mocha sister. She might even be you.

That was the case for Greenville, South Carolina Mocha Monica Culbreath. In South Carolina, women are dying due to domestic violence at a rate of one in every 12 days! Monica survived and she’s speaking Tuesday, October 7 before the South Carolina House of Representative Criminal Domestic Violence Reform Committee. Here is her story.

I never thought I would be here. I thought only women who were not educated enough or smart enough or not loved enough ended up being abused by someone they loved. I was mistaken. Being abused has nothing to do with any of that. So many times I am asked, “Why would you marry someone who was abusing you?”  Well, in the beginning abusers usually are not abusive. Normally they are sweet, kind and charming. It is when things do not go their way, that you see glimpses of their “true” personality. It is a vicious cycle that just gets worse and worse if professional help is not received by both the perpetrator and victim.

Think of it like a pot of water and a frog. The frog is placed into a pot of cool water and heated slowly, one degree at a time. With such a gradual rise in temperature, the frog barely notices and is boiled alive. This is how domestic violence takes over a family. It slowly deteriorates the marriage. I knew something was not right but I kept trying to make it work. He would get so angry at such little things. I kept making excuses for him. He was behaving this way because of his job, being tired or worrying too much. I thought if only I could be better, slimmer, prettier or sexier, my husband would treat me better. I kept thinking, well it could be worse- at least I am home with my children.

I did not realize that there are several types of abuse: financial, mental, social, and the one that everyone accepts as “abuse”, physical.  Always remember loving someone is an action. When someone loves you they care, trust, and you feel secure and safe. Love is not controlling what you do, when you do it, who you see or where you go, shoving, pushing, strangulating, slapping, hitting, intimidating, or threatening you with words or hands or weapons.

For anyone currently in this situation, please remember you are not alone. There is help. Anonymous and confidential at the national hotline phone number 1-800-799-7233.

I am asking everyone who reads this with thoughts on what can be done to stop or stem domestic violence please send a notarized letter to me at 6 Morning Tide Drive, Simpsonville, S.C. 29681 so that I can present it to the South Carolina House of Representative Criminal Domestic Violence Reform Committee. I have been asked to speak on Tuesday, October 7, 2014 at 9:30 a.m. Room 101/110 of the Blatt Building. For those that cannot make the meeting it will be able to be viewed live on the above mentioned day at

South Carolina Mocha Monica Culbreath

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